Heat at Wizards Preview

The woeful 1-13 Wizards play host to the defending champion Miami Heat tonight. Not excited? Well, hopefully this preview will at least momentarily entertain you.

I could look at individual match-ups, but who wants to hear about LeBron going up against Trevor Ariza? I know I don’t; I don’t like to cry. . . So I decided to give a list of my predictions for tonight’s game.

I predict. . .

• Pain
• Death
• “Wittman Face”
• Stupid shots
• Confusion
• Yelling
• Sea Dogs references
• More “Wittman Face”
• Probably some “John Wall face”
• Fans falling asleep
• A Wizards loss