It was recently reported that Dwight Howard chose the Washington Wizards over the Golden State Warriors. Here’s a breakdown of how that went down.
According to a recent report, Dwight Howard turned down the opportunity to go to the Golden State Warriors and chose the Washington Wizards instead.
In my CJ McCollum voice: That was a soft move Dwight. Why would you choose Washington, when you could’ve played small ball in The Bay? The Warriors put the small in small ball.
Howard: That’s the thing CJ. How am I going to a team that plays small? When I’m big. That’s what I do.
McCollum: But Dwight, the Warriors are a team that’s a virtual lock to be in the Finals.
Howard: Let me tell you a true story. Golden State called me and asked me to play for them. They called me. Not DeMarcus Cousins. Me.
But John Wall slid into my direct messages and texted: “Do you want to come to DC?” I was in the middle of eating a pack of Twizzlers, and a tear came rolling down my eye.
Who was the better recruiter? Golden State or Wall texting me on Instagram?
McCollum: I would venture Golden State. Remember how they wined and dined Kevin Durant?
Howard: Yes, I do and KD is still whining. But where am I? In DC. Ergo, Wall’s the better recruiter.
Howard: Now let me ask you something. Do you know the last Wizard that called me and asked me to be on his team?
McCollum: No.
Howard: Michael Jordan. Jordan called me last summer to play for Charlotte.
McCollum: Ok, Dwight. I get it. You chose John Wall over the champions.
Howard: Now you’re thinking small. I chose to play with a team that’s going to fight for respect. I chose to play with a point guard that has a killer instinct. Wall believes in himself, when no one else does. And he chose to believe in me.
If we make it to the Finals, it’s because I helped the Wizards achieve their dreams.
If I went to The Bay, I would just be helping a team have the same dream over and over again.
They don’t need my help, CJ. Superman goes where he’s needed.
McCollum: You don’t mind if I eat, while I do this podcast?
Howard: Not at all. I don’t judge people or their decisions.
McCollum: Switching gears here. What about locker room issues?
Howard: I never had any problems with anybody. Do you ever see me chasing or trying to fight anyone?
McCollum: Are you referring to last season, when DeMarcus Cousins ran towards Golden State’s locker room looking for Kevin Durant?
Howard: What did I just say, CJ? I don’t judge anyone. I didn’t even watch that game. I love everyone.
McCollum: I believe you Howard. Wait a minute! There have been numerous reports, where Wall has admitted that he doesn’t recruit players. Yet, he recruited you.
But this offseason, he doesn’t call up one of his best friends to come to Washington? And that said best friend ends up in the Warriors locker room?
Howard: What’s your point?
Editor’s note: Didn’t think this article needed a disclaimer, but it is a parody. Thanks, Jen Julie Smith.